Absolute Madness

Dear Wichita State, LaSalle, and Florida Gulf Coast University,

Thank you for ruining my March Madness bracket this year. There are always underdog teams like you guys who ruin the sanctity and hope of filling out a bracket, and I just wanted to let you know I hate you.

Sincerely,

Everyone in America who filled out a bracket

If you’re like me you look forward to March Madness basketball like a 4-year old looks forward to Christmas morning. If you’re like me you eagerly fill out a bracket every year with hopes of having the perfect formula to beat your buddies in a bracket pool. Finally, if you’re like me, you wept in the fetal position in front of your television as teams like Florida Gulf Coast University, LaSalle and Wichita State dashed all your hopes and dreams. Year after year I am left in awe, wondering how these no name teams make it so impossible to fill out a perfect bracket. Just when I want to blame it on the “madness” of the tournament, I am able to take a step back, and recognize the overwhelming statistical impossibilities present when picking a March Madness bracket. So in the spirit of stuff that is impossible, here are your chances of picking a successful March Madness bracket.

-In the first round of the tournament alone there are 2³²= 4,294,967,296 possible brackets that could result.

-This year in particular the odds of filling out a perfect bracket are 1 in 9.2 quintillion…that is 18 zeros. Or if you want to round, it its roughly 9,223,372,036,854,775,808.

>That is one billion, 9.2 billion times.

>It’s 500,000 times more than our $17 trillion national debt.

>You’d have better chance of hitting four holes-in-one in a single round of golf.

-The odds of randomly selecting the perfect bracket is 60 billion times more unlikely than winning the power ball lottery.

Since the tournament first started in 1971, there has been an estimated 300 million brackets filled out. Not one has come close to being correct.

Picking a perfect bracket is so astronomical that multiple big name companies, like Fox Sports and CNN SI, offer 100 million dollar rewards to anyone who can fill out a perfect bracket. So thank you no name Cinderella schools, for making perfection literally impossible, and making it that much sweeter when I fill out a perfect bracket next year.

Top 3 March Madness Bracket Busters

With March Madness approaching, and the 2013 NCAA Tournament just around the corner, college basketball fans of America are rushing to the stat books to research for their brackets. In a typical gambling season there can be as much as 500, 000, 000+ dollars spent on March Madness gambling pools. Whether it is a group of fraternity brothers, or the office pool everyone seems to be striving to get the upper hand to pick winners. So in the spirit of March Madness (and spring break gambling) here are the “Top 3 Teams Most Likely to Bust Your Bracket.”

 

3. Creighton Blue Jays

 

I know what you are thinking, “I didn’t know Creighton was a college,” but it in fact is, and could probably beat the SMU Mustangs by 50 points.  Located in the rascal Missouri Valley Conference, Creighton, along with its conference mates are bred to kill giants. The Blue Jays have finished with an impressive 24-7 record, in which seven of their wins were over big conference schools. Creighton is a high power, high intensity team that will takedown your winner, and leave crying on your hotel room floor.

 

2. St. Louis University Billikens

I know what your thinking, “Forrest, what the hell is a Billiken?” It is okay, I had to google it too. The Billiken was a charm doll created by an American art teacher and illustrator, Florence Pretz, a native of St. Louis, Missouri. The school adopted the mascot because of its local relevance. So how are these mascot forging hippies going to ruin your bracket? One word, tenacity. St. Louis has been involved in some of the most hard nosed, tough games of the season. Their resilience, and ability to win the tough games over big name schools separates them from the lower tier basketball schools.

 

1. Virginia Commonwealth University

A few short years ago VCU was in the final four. They are even better this year. They need no further justification.

The 2013 NFL Combine

The NFL combine is an event where top collegiate football players are given the opportunity to showcase their athleticism in front of countless NFL general managers and coaches. How players perform in the combine directly effects their draft value, and ultimately can be the difference between a hundred-thousand dollar contract and a multimillion dollar contract.   Players are evaluated in seven different events brutally scrutinizing their athletic ability. Events in the combine include: 40 Yard Dash, Bench Press, Vertical Jump, Broad Jump, 3 Cone Drill, 20 Yard Shuttle, and the 6o Yard Shuttle. Each individual event is specifically telling of a player’s athletic ability for their desired position. For example, a 300 pound offensive linemen, whose job is push people over, performs much better in the bench press event, than they do in the 40 yard dash. So in honor of athleticism, here are the top performers in each event from the 2013 NFL Combine.

 

40-Yard Dash: 4.27 Marquise Goodwin, WR, University of Texas

NFL Combine Record: 4.24 Chris Johnson, RB, 2008

This event aims to showcase a player’s explosiveness and overall speed. Sometimes a tenth of the second can cost a player millions of dollars.

 

Bench Press: 38 Reps Margus Hunt, DE, Southern Methodist University

NFL Combine Record: 49 Reps Stephen Paea, DT, 2011

As an SMU student I was very happy to see that our very own Margus Hunt did so well. Overall, this event highlights a player’s upper body strength, and ability to explosively thrust dead weight.

Vertical Jump: 43.0″ Christine Michael. RB, Texas A&M

NFL Combine Record: 45.0″ Donald Washington. WR, 2009

This event tests an athletes’ ability to jump from a still position. Be forcing the players to stand still coaches are testing leg strength, and lower body explosiveness.

 

Broad Jump: 11’7″ Jamie Collins, OLB, Southern Missouri

NFL Combine Record: 11’7″ Jamie Collins, OLB, 2013

The broad jump exhibits a player’s explosiveness and lower body strength. Collins was able to shock coaches, and onlookers as he set a combine record with his jump of 11 feet 7 inches. Collins, who is an outside linebacker, was able to win an event normally won by wide receivers and defensive backs.

Rappers Sitting Courtside: A Problem for America

In the past few weeks the NBA has been clouded by numerous altercations between rappers sitting courtside and players playing the game. Chart toping rappers such as Lil’ Wayne, Rick Ross, Wale and countless more have been tagged as NBA troublemakers for their combative antics towards players. Maybe its too much ego for one stadium, or maybe these rappers weren’t hugged as children and constantly crave attention. Whatever the reason NBA commissioner, David Stern, has had enough and is cracking down on these millionaire distractions.

 

As a DC native I am well aware of how bad the Washington Wizards are. I actually cry about it sometimes at night. No seriously. But DC based rapper, Wale, somehow still has enough faith in the Wizards to purchase courtside seating. On February 19th, Wale attended the powerhouse matchup between the 15-37 Washington Wizards and the 22-32 Toronto Raptors. The Verizon Center, where the game was being played, was rocking as the Wizards nearly broke their attendance record of 45 fans. As the game became increasingly dismal, Wale, from his courtside seats, began trash talking Raptors star forward, Rudy Gay. Gay responded to Wale’s heckling by draining a fade away three-pointer, and then giving the rapper a cocky smile after. The ongoing altercation finally caught the attention of a Canadian based broadcasting company who was there covering the game on behalf of the Raptors.  Stupidly, Canadian sportscaster, Pat Devlin uttered on live television “Wale’s inspiring. And I’m sure somebody on Twitter can tell me exactly if they’ve ever heard of Wale. He’s not Drake (a Canadian rap); that’s for sure.”  Come on Pat, everyone knows Canada is worse than America in everything. Regardless, Devlin’s comments made Wale’s twitter account explode. In honor of Americans standing up for themselves, Wale confronted and cussed out the Canadian sportscaster while the game was still on the air. Needless to say Wale has been temporarily suspended from attending Wizards games after this confrontation. The Wizard’s ticket office was disappointed about this punishment because Wale and his friends account for 50% of ticket sales.

 

Additionally, in the past week, rap superstar Lil’ Wayne earned himself a lifetime ban from NBA games and functions. Wayne, who has no allegiance to any NBA team, from a fan standpoint, is notorious for obnoxiously heckling players and demanding unattainable seating hours before a game. During the 2012 NBA Finals, between the Miami Heat and the Oklahoma City Thunder, Wayne demanded five courtside seats hours before Game 2 in Miami. When the request was denied, Wayne threw a tantrum and called every NBA player in his contact list. When Miami Heat players, Lebron James, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh all were unable to get the rapper his tickets, Wayne began his “F@#% the Heat” campaign. Now, almost a year later Wayne has earned himself a lifetime ban from all NBA events for his constant heckling of Heat players. Instead of handling the situation like a gentleman Wayne has been furiously lashing out at both Wade and James saying  “We sit right by them little [Expletive]. At least come ask me why I’m not rooting for you.”

 

Both Wayne and Wale are poster children for why big ego rappers and courtside seating do not mix. Maybe one day this growing issue will be resolved, but for now I think I’m going to stick with my five-dollar nosebleed seats. 

Top 5 Showmen in the NBA

For diehard basketball fans of America, the 2012/2013 NBA season has been a delight. It seems as though this season has been much more entertaining and captivating than previous years. As the NBA has evolved, so has the caliber of its athletes. This year players have been jumping higher, dunking harder, and making the atmosphere of NBA games exciting for every fan. While it would be easy to cite the excitement to the NBA’s big four; Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, Carmello Anthony, and Kevin Durant, I wanted to go a step further and give honor to those who are under appreciated. So in honor of this awesome NBA season I am rating the Top 5 Showmen in the NBA (who are not Lebron, Kobe, Carmello, or Durant)

5: Dwanye Wade, G Miami Heat

Wade for years has been considered the “Robin” to Lebron James’ “Batman.” Even though Wade is not currently considered one of the top 5 players in the NBA, he is without a doubt an elite player that will one day be inducted in to the NBA Hall of Fame. All season Wade has been a great compliment to the dominating force that is Lebron James. Wade has 21.1 points per game, and has helped the Heat dominate their opponents at home, helping them earn a 23-3 home record. Wade’s highflying ability, pristine basketball sense, and ability to selflessly assist his fellow teammates makes him one of the most valuable players in the NBA. If Wade continues his high level of play, it is almost guaranteed the Heat will repeat for the NBA championship this season.

4: Russell Westbrook, G Oklahoma City Thunder

Westbrook has been an impact player in the NBA ever since  he left UCLA. His tag team dynamic with teammate, Kevin Durant, allows him to be an opportunist on the court. This year alone Westbrook has been able to average 22.5 points per game, with an 8.1 assist average. Westbrook’s team has been winning games, and holds one of the highest attendance averages in all of the NBA; and oh yea did I mention he has a casual 38 inch-vertical leap.

3:  Kyrie Irving, G Cleveland Cavaliers

Kyrie Irving has given Cleveland fans a reason to go to Cavaliers games again. Cleveland, in general, is by far one of the most dismal sports cities in America, and after the loss of their golden boy, Lebron James, fans have been thirsty for something to believe in. Enter Irving, one of the most explosive and athletic players in the NBA. This year Irving has averaged 23.9 points per game, putting him in the conversation with All-stars like Kobe Bryant and Lebron James. Irving has put up 40+ points on multiple occasions, and has been a poster boy for the entertaining web series “Uncle Drew.” It won’t be long until Irving’s name is in the conversation for MVP.

2.  Blake Griffin. F Los Angeles Clippers

Griffin has one of NBA’s most entertaining personalities. Oh and he also has performed some of the most amazing dunks in NBA history. Griffin is a human highlight real with his unbelievable athletic ability and rocket like vertical leap. However Griffin is not only a showman, he is also a winner. Griffin has helped lead his Clippers to a 17 game win streak this season, while averaging 19.0 points per game. Griffin’s Clippers currently sit at third in the Western Conference with an impressive 37-13 record.

1.  James Harden, G Houston Rockets

James Harden has been by far the most surprising player of the year. After his departure from his 6th man position on the powerhouse Oklahoma City Thunder, many questioned whether Harden had the talent to be a marquee franchise player. Harden has slapped all of his critics in the face with his dominating and outstanding play this season. Harden is the 5th leading scorer in the NBA (behind the four you know who’s), and has led a talentless Houston Rockets team to playoff contention with a 29-25 record.  Harden has scored more than 30+ points 16 times this season, including one astounding 45 points performance against the Atlanta Hawks. Harden has been a delight to watch this season, and it won’t be long until he, like Irving, will be in contention for MVP.

Top 5 Biggest Disappointments of the 2012 NFL Season

5. Michael Vick, QB Philadelphia Eagles

Remember when Michael Vick was ESPN’s was player of the year for Atlanta Falcons 2003? Remember when Michael Vick went to jail for 21 months in 2007 for brutally murdering Pit Bulls in an underground dog fighting? Remember when Michael Vick won the NFL Comeback Player of the year for the 2010 season as quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles? Yes Michael Vick’s NFL career has been a roller coaster of highlights and embarrassments, but after his dreadful performance this past season, one can only assume that his dog slaying karma has caught up to him.  Starting the season off with 8 interceptions and a 3-6 record is never ideal, especially when your team is considered to be one of the most talented in the NFL. Vick’s season ended with him handing the reigns to rookie QB Nick Foles, and watched from the sideline as his Eagles proceeded to go a laughable 4-10. My advice to Vick, pray to the dog gods for forgiveness.

4. Darren McFadden, RB Oakland Raiders

How many times did my parents brutally force me to attend stupid birthday parties at Chuck E Cheese when I was little? Twice. How many touchdowns did Darren McFadden have during the entirety of this past NFL season? Two. What these two painful memories have in common is they both could have been avoided. My parents could have had souls by letting me opt out of going to that plastic ball dungeon, and Darren McFadden could have played to his full potential. Year after year McFadden is regarded as one of the most talented runningbacks in the NFL, but year after year he fails to put up All-star numbers. McFadden had a 3.3 yards per carry avg as he dismally lead the Oakland Raiders to a dreaded  4-12 record. My advice to McFadden, demand a trade and start actually working in the off-season.

3. Blain Gabbert, QB Jacksonville Jaguars

I know what your thinking; who? But yes folks, he was in fact a quarterback in the National Football League. While I did think Gabbert was a horrible draft choice by Jacksonville in the 2011 draft, I still had high hopes for him this season. It is safe to say the Jaguars experienced the sorriest season out of any NFL team, which all happened to be catalyzed by Gabbert. Gabbert started the season with a causal 7 interceptions until ultimately getting bench after week 11.  The Jacksonville bust left his team crippled with a 1-10 record, and watched slowly is job was taken by a much more qualified Chad Henne. My advice to Henne, take everything you did last season and do the opposite.

2. Brian Urlacher, LB Chicago Bears.

Brian Urlacher is an aging old man, playing a young man’s position. While Urlacher put up decent numbers (for 35 year old), he was not even close to competing with elite players likes Patrick Willis or Ray Lewis. When watching Urlacher’s play firsthand, it is apparent that he is slower, less aggressive, and less motivated than every other player on the field. Countless missed tackles, and poor play execution highlighted his incompetence as player, and as a leader. Urlacher’s Bears finished the season with a respectable 10-6 record, but due to the inefficiency of the Bear’s defense missed the playoffs, and finished third in a division they were favored to win. My advice to Urlacher, retire.

1. Mark Sanchez, QB New York Jets

Mark Sanchez will not be a New York Jet next season. After leading his team through an abysmal 6-10 record, his super model girlfriend, Kate Upton, broke up with him. If a picture is worth a thousand words, than this photo sums up Mark Sanchez’s season.

Performance Enhancing Drugs: Changing the Fabric of Sports.

In the last five years the professional sports world has been turned upside down by the realization that performance enhancing drugs dictate the nature of sports. Prominent players from the NFL, MLB, NBA and most notably, the Tour de France have all been accused, and in some cases indicted, for the illicit use of PEDs. Some of the greatest athletes in the history of sports such as Roger Clemens, Ray Lewis, Dwayne Wade and Lance Armstrong have all been linked to the use of PEDs further diminishing the credibility of their respective sports. As more and more PED cases sprout up around the sports world, questions of what drugs  should be considered “PEDs,” and what drugs should be considered natural or medicinal. As the debate regarding PEDs rages on, the only thing that is for  certain is that professional athletes will forever be striving to gain the upper hand in competition. One day PEDs may be unable to detect and unable to control.

The most recent and famous case of illicit PED use pertains to seven time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong. Armstrong, who broke countless records and defied the boundaries of physical capability in professional cycling, has recently come under fire for blood doping. While blood doping in itself is not a drug or powder that is ingested like steroids, it is in fact the transfusion of highly efficient red blood cells in order to give an athlete better stamina and overall performance. Even though there is a strict “no doping” rule in professional cycling, (which Armstong was somehow able to elude seven years in a row) who are we to strip Armstrong of all his crowning achievements. Armstrong still biked the 15, 211 miles it took to win the Tour de France seven times, and he still committed over 21 years of his life to cycling. Armstrong still beat the physical limitations of brain, lung and testicular cancer to fight back and become one of the greatest athletes in the history of sports. However now, because of recent and relentless obsession with PEDs, all is efforts and accolades have been reduced to nothingness. I don’t know about you, but I am still wearing my “Livestrong” bracelet proudly because I believe it stands for much more than a PED scandal.

As the Superbowl approaches many sports reporters are desperately trying to publish juicy and groundbreaking stories. Baltimore Ravens all-star linebacker Ray Lewis is the newest victim of PED accusations (to the relief of Lance Armstrong). Lewis, who is set to retire after the Superbowl from a fantastic career of being a role model and leader, has been constantly under fire from reporters and critics for his alleged use of “Deer Antler Spray.” While “Deer Antler Spray” in itself is not immediate muscle boosting super drug, it does enable muscle fibers and and bone mass to increase and repair more rapidly. Lewis has been abig hitting punisher in the NFL for more than 17 years, and has suffered countless injuries over his long career as a result of the natural brutality of football. While Lewis does deny the accusation that he ever used any PED throughout his entire career, why is it crazy for us to accept that maybe it would be in a players best interest to have a booster to help his ravished body recover. But it is too late now, the damage has been done. Even though Ray lewis is a fantastic physical specimen, and an even better competitor, his name will forever be synonymous with “cheating.”

As a former high level athlete I had many substances, powders, and pills thrown in my face in order to increase my performance in athletics. From a young age coaches force fed me and my teammates whey protein, creatine, and anything that would help our team win our upcoming game. All substances were legal and sold at over the counter shops, but where do we draw the  line? When does a substance go from being legal and encouraged to illicit and discouraged. In order for professional sports to overcome this media dominated hindrance a clear line must be drawn between what drugs are and what drugs aren’t considered unfair advantages. If I pinched myself really hard before a football game to up my adrenaline levels, would that be considered a PED, and would I be under investigation for pinching? The struggle to contain the use of performance enhancing drugs is an ongoing one, but is one that is necessary for the future of professional sports.